PEEVE DU JOUR #10

Michael Jackson, ad infinitum, ad nauseum...

The Michael Jackson Burial Tour

Seventy days after his death, Michael Jackson is still in the news. Yeah, I don't know why, either. Last night he was supposedly buried at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, CA.

Next month he'll be buried at Hollywood Forever in Hollywood. In November he'll be buried in Paris next to Jim Morrison. He'll be back in Encino for the holidays then appear as the Grand Marshal for the 121st Tournament of Roses in Pasadena. All the dead flowers from previous burials will decorate the special Thriller float.

Early in 2010 Jackson will be buried in Zoshigaya Cemetery in Tokyo, in a grave-site adjoining that of Irish-American author Lafcadio Hearn. Tentative arrangements have been made for Jackson to be buried for one week with Brigham Young and his family in a small cemetery on First Avenue between State Street and A Street in Salt Lake City, Utah. In the spring, Jackson will be at Graceland for six weeks and after that his body will be on view at an animal sanctuary in Florida where Jackson's beloved pet chimp, Bubbles, still resides.

The future itinerary for Jackson's body includes The Kremlin (two months in the currently vacant Lenin's Tomb), three months in Dubai, a burial at sea off the coast of Mexico, and two surprise appearances at The Haunted Mansion and the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland.

Joe Jackson, the Jackson family patriarch, has established the Michael Jackson Burial Society (MJBS) and is now taking reservations from anyone who wants to have Michael buried in their hometown, high school or back yard. The fee is just $15,000 per day, 7 day minimum.

Some observers have speculated that Jackson was secretly buried six weeks ago at an undisclosed site somewhere on the Neverland Ranch but there is no evidence to support that claim. Others claim that Jackson is alive and well and living in Las Vegas.

Still others claim that the Michael Jackson figure at The Hollywood Wax Museum really is Michael Jackson. Pieces of the figure keep falling off and disappearing, but none of that has been attributed to public vandalism.