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Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Attention Old People

Introspective observations of a curmudgeonly geezer-avoidance advocate.

At what point do old people start acting like old people? I'm convinced people act their age primarily because other people keep reminding them what their age is, and those other people have some misguided notion of how you're supposed to act at that age. Before you know it, you're looking at catalogs from The Scooter Store and The Neptune Society. If you'd just ignore those other people you wouldn't be acting like some old fart.

I know a lot of lively, intense and creative people who ignore the annual candle-lit sing-alongs that celebrate another walker-assisted step away from childhood. They draw cartoons, they tell jokes, they sing, they write, they dance, they teach, they use their brains for some sort of creative endeavor, and they do it as much as possible with like-minded people.

If you're surrounded by old people who act like old people who constantly invite you to join the Misery-Loves Co., Inc., find some new friends. And by new, I mean younger, smarter, livelier and more curious and who haven't given up yet. They're learning, observing, experimenting, exploring and creating. There's so much more to do than The Price is Right and Oprah. Stop watching what everyone else is doing, get off your ever-widening butt and let people watch what you're doing for a change.

Get up, get out and do something. Stop frittering away the hours reading the obituaries and remembering lost youth. Get to know some people who are not in the obituaries yet, and start creating new memories by reenacting Great Moments from Lost Youth. Stop lamenting the things you never got to do and go do them. Quit blowing the entire day groaning about what hurts, how much and how often and start thinking about ways to get laid.

Oops. Nap time...


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